Rhema has been afflicted with what seems to be a common ailment among ASD children: constipation. When she finally get things moving, she’s usually not near the toilet… and she and her surroundings get painted as a result. We’ve tried a number of different remedies to no avail.
This morning we decided to start her on a low dose of Miralax.
We visited a new church today. The church had a great children’s program and Hope took off without looking back. Brandon and I both wanted to stay in the sanctuary, and Rhema was not ready to be on her own in the children’s program, so we decided to keep her with us. The service was packed, but we were able to grab seats near the back just in case we needed to make a fast getaway.
With her iTouch in hand, Rhema now does a pretty good job of sitting through a service. But even with the iTouch, we usually worry about her continuous humming and self-singing… which seems to increase in volume and become distracting just when someone is praying or reading Scripture.
Well today as we sat, first-time visitors in church, our girl was humming from a different end.
The first few venerable, voluminous, vibrating vapors were released during a prayer for the nations. I shot Brandon a look – he gave her the Miralax this morning. Dude, I said low dose!
I looked at Rhema engrossed in her ShapeBuilder app on the iTouch. She wiggled a little in the pew between us.
As the pastor began to preach about celebrating God’s work around the world, Rhema began ripping some righteous ones. I winced with each one. We really should have left, but I wanted to stay. I thought to myself, Surely that was the last one. She has definitely exceeded the standard quota of 14 bottom burps a day by now!
But the sounds seemed to be reaching crescendo – I’d never heard so many in succession in my life! I was more amazed than horrified.
I looked at the people seated around us and in front of us. No one dared look back, they kept straight faces, eyes fixed on the pastor. It struck me as funny, and I felt slightly intoxicated on the nitrogen and hydrogen-sulfides I was inhaling. My shoulders started shaking, and I stifled a giggle.
Brandon was not amused, and by this point the whole back section of the sanctuary was lit up with the glorified gas. We’ve had some challenging experiences in church with our girl, but this was by far the most… bombastic.
I grabbed my joyful noise-maker and we departed the sanctuary.
And everyone got relief.
.
“And when ye see the south wind blow, ye say, there will be heat; and it cometh to pass.” Luke 12:55
I had to giggle- but oh, I’m sure it was both embarrassing. I’m sure I would have gotten the giggles in the moment as well- there’s just something about socially inappropriate but harmless moments like that that always sets me off.
Hope she does better on the miralax. Mostly I hope you never see another poo-art somehow.
So awesome.
So many things that I want to say right now but they might be wrong……I’ll just stick with giggling to myself… Except… I’ll just say that I’ve been in a lot of services that were full of gas…
Oh my goodness….
I’m so sorry this happened, but thank you SO MUCH for the laugh. I’m glad that you have a sense of humor about it!
(Will you be visiting this church again??)
Well this one had me laughing out loud. Oh – we’ve all been there, but I daresay our experience has not been quite as um significant as yours.
perhaps Rhema was helping you test what the good church folk are made of.
What a perfect, awesome verse for this post!!
As Miralax consumers ourselves (well, Joy anyway), this — resonates. As it were.
Still giggling!
Oh my gosh this is hilarious!! I was cracking up as I read this. The verse you picked was perfect! I think I would have been laughing if I was there.
Still haven’t made it through an entire church service with Jack. You have my admiration!
I’m sure Jesus was laughing too.
You had us rolling here this morning.
If you get a “please come visit us again” invitation, you’ll know hands down you’ve found your new church home.
I do hope the sermon was not too intense! I laughed out loud when I read this!
I am sitting her literally laughing so hard it is hard to type! Thank you so much for the levity. I needed it today! gail
Bet it went over like a fart in church. Sorry. Had to.
I must admit that I think farting is hilarious no matter the setting. However, when stuck in a place where you need decorum, they are even funnier! Love it.
hee hee I am giggling over here reading this
. I would’ve done the same thing – stayed there thinking surely that was the last one! lol, love the verse at the end too 
.
Hope ya’ll had a wonderful Thanksgiving!
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[...] the past year she’s suffered from chronic constipation. We’ve tried a number of things – daily laxatives, suppositories, commode chants, to no [...]