What about Hope, Lord? Will she be o.k.? She’s been given such a tender heart. An old soul, so perceptive and sensitive to the feelings of others, always quick to encourage. Will you, God, foster these gifts in her as she lives life with her special sister? Will you keep her from becoming cynical, jaded and burnt out? Will she see her sister not as a bother or burden, but as valuable teacher and inspiration? Will you hold her during times of fear, frustration, embarassment or disappointment? Will you give her a deep bond with her sister – one that does not depend on spoken word or touch. Will you teach her to love without conditon and grow it in her, true and patient? Will you bless their relationship to last long after we are gone?
~ my prayer, one year ago
A couple times a week I must pick Rhema up from school first, and then we pick up Hope.
This is always a challenge.
Racing the halls (knocking down anyone in her path), dumping buckets of toys, charging into classrooms, eating someone’s science project, taking every single glue cap off… these are just some of Rhema’s antics at Hope’s school. I try to keep a firm hold on her, but it’s nearly impossible to do that and get Hope packed up to leave. And once we are ready to go, Rhema is fully engrossed in some activity and has no intention of leaving. Cue meltdown.
Today as I was struggling with Rhema on the floor, Hope stood patiently off to the side. I’d asked her to hold everything – her backpack, her coat, Rhema’s coat, a bag of winter clothes. A girl, about Rhema’s age, stepped into the hall with what appeared to be her mother. The girl said loudly, disdainfully, “Hope’s sister is crazy!”
The woman said something to the girl, and they disappeared. I looked at Hope and saw a strange expression on her face – an awareness I’d never seen before. And then, just as quickly, it was gone.
Normally, I am not too bothered about the things children say. Kids have often made comments about Rhema, and it’s given me opportunities to talk to them about autism.
But today felt different. For one, Hope was not oblivious to it. And neither, I believe, was Rhema. Rhema may not understand the words, but she certainly understands tone of voice. She may not show that she hears it, but I know that she is always listening.
At home, I gave Hope a baggie full of pretzels and we had a heart to heart.
“So, let’s talk about what happened at school today.”
“You wanna talk about G? She said my sister is crazy.”
“What do you think about that?”
“I think it’s true,” Hope said in her slow, matter-of-fact way.
Oy.
“Your sister acts differently than other kids, doesn’t she?”
“Yeah. Because of her awe-tism.”
“What does she do that’s different?”
“Um…,” she said munching her pretzels. “She likes to poop in the tub, she doesn’t play with us, she rolls on the floor a lot, she goes ‘Eeee oooo Eeee oooo’ a lot.”
“Yep. She’s different like that. And I know sometimes it’s hard. And sometimes other people don’t understand. But it is never right to say unkind things to her or about her. Right?”
She nodded.
“What are some things that Rhema does really well?”
“Um…”
“She has really good balance, right?”
“Yeah! And she’s really good at puzzles and the iTouch and putting movies in the DVD player and sitting on every bench at the park!”
“So the next time someone says something that’s not nice about her, you can tell them all the things she’s good at.”
She thought for a moment.
“Mommy, you be G and I’ll be Hope, ok?
“Um. Ok.”
“Say, ‘Hope’s sister is crazy!’”
“O… ok. Hope’s sister is crazy!”
“No, she’s not. She’s my sister. And she’s not crazy. She’s special!”
(The conversation was a first for us — not perfect by any means – and I know we’ll have many more. I am grateful for all of the autism mamas who have shared their stories and taught me how to listen and to talk to my daughter about her sister’s autism.)
She finished her snack and informed me that she needed to find Rhema right away and tell her that she’s special.
Before she went I hugged her tightly,
and thanked God again for Rhema’s Hope.
Rhema is special but so is Hope! God gave you exactly what you need in Hope.
I love your prayer by the way. And I think he is answering in it just the way you wanted.
yes and yes! =)
Hope. I love Hope.
I’m following our example. Lead on. I’ve already introduced the word autism to the DIVA.
xoxox
I love Hope. And this beautiful story. I’m keeping this for when I have to talk to our youngest about his older brother. thank you. You have two amazing and special girls.
One of the blessings of autism: witnessing genuine, unconditional love grow. The growth isn’t always pretty, but it leads to undeniably sweet moments like this. Thank you for sharing the love..
That is incredible. They are both incredible. Such love.
I love your Hope. I love that her name is Hope! Such a sweet, touching moment.
You present these moments as if they just drop into the chaos, but I think they also tell us that Mama is always listening, always alert to the whisper of god in the tempest. A lovely story of a lovely moment.
I think it WAS a perfect talk between you and Hope. Hope is an incredible soul. You have two amazing girls.
Tears are streaming down my face! You are all special! Thank you for sharing your stores with us!
Jeniel,
You inspire me:)
M
She brings us hope! No pun intended… none at all.
Jess from diary of a mom sent me here. This just kills me. How lovely. And also heart wrenching, knowing the years and years of being her sister’s keeper that likely lie ahead for Hope.
I have twin sons, one on the spectrum, one not & they have a difficult relationship. Where once there was empathy and longing there is now anger and bitterness.
I wish your girls continued love and care for each other. And hugs to you.
That was awsome! I always learn from you and your daughters. And today I learned that I need to talk to to my younger son about his brother. I never thought to talk to him about why his brother does what he does and why people see him as different. I never even told him why his brother has to take classes at school that he is not in. Once again God has used your day to teach others (me). Thank you for allowing us (me) in your day. We are blessed to be a blessing…. you and your family are truly blessed and have been a blessing!
michele
Looks like God only took a year to tell you ‘yes’ to your prayer.
Another beautiful post. I wonder, too. My middle guy is the front line of defense for autism in this house. He’s supposed to be looking to his older brother for guidance, and he’s getting autism.
Hope is such an awesome sister. And you did such a good job in that conversation with her.
I pray that my kids will have a close relationship too, in spite of Andrew’s autism. So far so good, they adore each other! And I’m planning to borrow some ideas from this post when Eliza is old enough to talk to about it all.
Handled like a pro – both of you! xo
What an awesome God we serve who hears us when we cry out and answers us just at the right time in a way we will never forget.
He really did give you two amazing girls and has made you an incredible mother. It is a great talent to recognize teachable moments and to truly learn and grow from them and you did that so well.
“Jesus, I pray that you use the bond of sisterhood between Rhema and Hope to show the world what true love is.” Amen
love the role playing–i could never get my kids to do that! You are teaching Hope the great spiritual key of agreeing with God!! And immediately repenting of times we (even momentarily) agree with the lies, lies, lies the enemy circulates thru innocent, unaware bystanders. Go girl!
Hope is such a blessing to Rhema, and vice versa.
I love the talk you had with her. I was just thinking this morning about needing to have a similar talk with CB and BH about their little brother. They are so patient and accommodating most of the time but I know they get frustrated sometimes too and could use some encouragement.
‘brought a tear to my eyes – what a bittersweet and wonderful post.
Thanks for sharing, and I hope it’s okay that I add you to my blogroll.
hugs-Daleth
I’ve thought about Hope off and on and prayed for her. I can’t imagine your mother’s pain that sometimes settles in your heart because of unkind words spoken about your beautiful daughter. Hope is a good sister; a hero in her own right. She carries a full load, but how blessed she is to have the parents she does. You’re doing great, friend. And you hold two precious treasures!
Keep to it.
peace~elaine
Great job Mom and Hope
[...] I often write about how Hope is good sister to Rhema. I’ve shared stories about the things she has already sacrificed in her short life because of her sister’s autism. [...]