“See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry…” ~Matthew 6:28-31
It started with a meltdown Sunday night the likes of which I have not seen in some time.
Then Monday morning, her body was strangely sluggish, her foggy eyes predicting a storm.
That afternoon while I was at work B texted me a picture of her sitting listlessly at the table. She didn’t eat at school. She didn’t eat at home.
Tuesday morning, more lethargy. I sat her down, stooped in front and said her name, said hi. To say she was quiet would be erroneous. She was there in the chair, but she was not there.
Is she postictal? Is she having absence seizures again? Is she sick with a bug? Is she just super sleepy???
We’ve had a sweet period of calm and beautiful growth and development for the past 8 months. This, following years of crisis after crisis – aggressions, drug-resistant seizure activity, (almost daily) fecal smearing, sleeplessness, medication withdrawals, pica, severe lead poisoning.
2012 has found us settled beneath the shade tree, lemonade glasses in our hands. I’ve relished the time of stability for our family, the chance to enjoy one another instead of trying just to survive the day.
But I am changed. I’m a master of hyper-vigilance, the one eye open even if you swear it’s ok to take a breather.
I admit to waiting in this time of peace. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Standing on tip-toe, looking out the window for the tsunami.
And yet today, she is fine. Back to my brown-eyed, squealing, running, humming, happy girl.
In the backyard I hand her a flower. She closes her eyes and turns her face to the sun. Yes, I think she is just fine. Thank you, Lord.
Whether the day brings flowers or questions or storms, can we learn to rest? With both eyes closed?
“Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you.” ~Psalm 116:7