Then sings my soul

Seems like I’ve been in a pool of exhaustion and overwhelmed-ness, dog-paddling and slowly going under. Just trying to pull off life.

You just need a boost, I told myself, a floatie wrapped round your back. Then you can keep going.

In the wee hours Monday morning, the Lord sent “my floatie” home. (The husband had been away for six weeks on military assignment). Surprise! He walked in the door, and the waves settled for the girls and me. We are blessed under this roof.

And I’ve been trying to remember how to be wife-ly again. It’s always an adjustment. ;)

I was stressing about my all not being enough and the unanswered e-mails, un-folded laundry, un-filled out paperwork and the ham rotting in Hope’s lunch box. The husband said that we should be able to rest… in each other. Such a gift, and yet after 13 years of marriage we’re still learning how to unwrap it.

I‘ve been back at work for 18 months now, and still I have the sense that I don’t quite fit in the fast paced, deadline-driven business world. I enjoy my job. I love the city. I loathe the commute. As I travel and press into the massive sea of people talking walking rushing striving, I think about my little girls at home and know that I only want to be where they are.

Recently, Hope asked God what His purpose was for her. Yes, she did. Yes, she’s five. She told me matter-of-factly, “But I already know God’s purpose for you. To be our Mommy.”

I thought of something my friend Jett wrote to me after a hard day with Rhema: He made you for her. He made me for them. Brandon, Rhema, Hope and I – all of us were created with the other in mind, knowing each needed the other.

This morning I felt the waters rising again, burning my eyes red, making it hard to breathe. I passed the homeless man hunched over on an upside down bucket, my heart hurting for him. Smiled hello to another man handing out the daily Metro. Trudged into the dark, filthy subway station, thinking about the long day ahead and praying Jesus, please come, we need your grace today.

Above the din of people and trains screeching by, the air was interrupted by a majestic tune that shook my soul awake and gave me goosebumps. Someone somewhere played a solo on his saxophone, “How Great Thou Art”, and I wish you could have heard it. Street performers in the subway are commonplace, but this man, this sax, this melody was a triumph over the loneliness, the emptiness, the not enough-ness of life. The whole station hushed as his sax sang,

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to thee

How great Thou art, How great Thou art.

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to thee

How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

I knew, then, what my restless, flailing spirit had been craving: Him. Great Him. And the fullness of joy that only comes in His presence. Even there in that station.

I could hear Him say, I love you, and I am sufficient.

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7 thoughts on “Then sings my soul

  1. First : big HUG for you. Second: thank you for these words, I read the title and the song instantly flooded through my mind and memories of childhood days on a church pew listening to my grandfather sing this hymn soaked in. God always knows what we need when we need it and after my day yesterday I was feeling very deflated. Thank you for being an instrument for the Lord and allowing him to minister through you :)

  2. This hymn has been a life boat for me, too.

    Last night, as I prayed, you and your family came to mind. I was honored that the Holy Spirit would prompt me to pray for you. hugs from north jersey

  3. Yes, how GREAT He is. Thank you for that reminder. How do I ever forget? Prayers for you & SO GLAD you have your hubby home with you all!! Please tell him thank you so much from my family for his service! And thank you to your family for your service, too!

  4. Isn’t it just like God to give us these extraordinary moments in little ordinary packages? Love that He reached for you and spoke to you in that moment. So, glad Brandon is home!

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