Just for me

There are moments in the day to day caring of my daughter that range from the unbelievable to the hilarious. That’s what you get, I think, when you have a girl in a(n almost) ten year old body who requires the constant help and supervision of a much younger child. That’s what you get when you have a girl who cannot rely on spoken words and so enlists her creative resourcefulness to get what she wants. Some days you both are pushed to the limit – every single simple thing becomes a Herculean task. And when you think it can’t get any harder, crazier, sweeter… it does.

Some things you just don’t talk about (or write about). For the sake of dignity and the fact that it’s… just a mom and her girl trying to do the day.

There’s something sacred about being a caregiver and I want to be like them – the ones who quietly serve a spouse, child, parent or friend. They live moments no one knows about. And no one sees but God.

I read this and remembered that both the precious and the difficult minutes, hours, days are ours – something that we share. And I am so thankful I get to share life with her.

Tonight as she stared straight ahead I leaned over and kissed her cheek. She waited a few seconds before wiping it off. I told her I love her, and she giggled just for me. I don’t know if she was remembering something funny or if she was laughing because she knows she is completely, endlessly loved. I’ll take it, either way.

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***I posted this on Facebook the other day but in case you didn’t see it-
Brandon is coming home tomorrow for 2 weeks of leave! He’s been away for 7 months, and for a kid that’s a really long time. Hope knows he’s coming and she’s so excited of course, but he’s actually getting here a day earlier than expected so he’s going to surprise her by picking her up at school. As for Rhema, I don’t know what she knows. She’s had a hard time connecting with him since he left – phone and FaceTime just do not “work” for her. I know she must him. I’ll be very happy for them to be together again. :)

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8 thoughts on “Just for me

  1. Praying for a WONDERFUL visit for all of you .. And praying I can have an attitude like yours. Sometimes I’ve felt angry about some of the things we have to do that are beyond the imagination of many. Things that I can’t share either for dignity sake ..

    I’m not angry at Jack. I’m angry for him. It’s just not fair. And I get even angrier when I think about being judged for not celebrating his autism enough. I feel like if people knew, surely they would understand. But some things they just can’t know.

    Finding that balance is tricky, and I hope I’m maturing on that front. Your blog is a good reminder that these moments that aren’t sharable are precious in their own way..

  2. Just nodding my head over here, and really love that bit where you said “There’s something sacred about being a caregiver…” . You know, I never thought of it that way. Thank you :) xx I hope your time with Brandon is sweet and goes slowly!

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