Love up to your eyelashes

“You must remember this
A kiss is still a kiss
a sigh is just a sigh…”

-Louis Armstrong

 

Sometimes there are things in life you convince yourself that you miss.

You may not really miss it, but because other people have it and you do not, you decide that maybe you miss it.

My thing?

A kiss.

I miss. Or I think I should miss.

(Don’t get too excited! 8) ) I’m talking about a kiss from my oldest daughter.

Her oral motor coordination is still very poor; she cannot blow candles, bubbles, whistles… or those blowout thingies you get at birthday parties. She has never formed a pucker or given a kiss. She does not seem to know how to show affection, so even if she could physically form a kiss, she would probably not do it.

drewb1

 

I had a dream once that they did a re-make of the movie “Never Been Kissed” – only it was “Never Been Kissed By My Kid”, and I played the lead part.

 

But, like hearing I love you, I am secure in the belief that she loves me whether she says so or shows me. My mothering is not validated by how she acknowledges me or appreciates my efforts. I do what I do simply because I love her. I have learned not to need my affections reciprocated.

But I treasure those fleeting moments of true connection with all my heart.

Lately… every now and then… when I steal a hug, she’ll press her face against mine for just a moment… long enough to blink.

Could it be? A Rhema kiss? I wonder.

Nope. It’s a sensory thing, she’s seeking deep pressure into her face. That’s all it is, I tell myself.

All too often I’m ready to ascribe an autism-reason for her actions and behaviors. Even so, this time, I pretend it’s really a kiss. When she does it, I supply the word “kiss” and then say, “Thank you, Rhema!”

After her therapy visit, Rhema’s teacher Courtney brought her out and said, “She was so interactive today. I even got a butterfly kiss!”

“Oh, so you think they’re kisses, too???”

“Well, yeah!”

So now it’s official.

I am Drew Barrymore no longer.

I’ve been kissed by an angel.

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20 thoughts on “Love up to your eyelashes

  1. A butterfly kiss. How wonderful. If you feel what it is, don’t disregard it, you know in your heart. I love “covered” too. So simple and to the point. 🙂

  2. call it whatever you want – it’s beautiful.

    oh, and this ..

    My mothering is not validated by how she acknowledges me or appreciates my efforts. I do what I do simply because I love her.

    such a good lesson for all of us

  3. Aww…definately kisses and you should grab tons of them when you can!!! You write so beautifully, Jeneil. I am brought to tears by the power of your words on more than one occassion. You have a gift. I am so honored to have a glimpse into your life and story. thank you for touching me often and convicting me….today especially when you said, “My mothering is not validated by how she acknowledges me or appreciates my efforts. I do what I do simply because I love her.” It is a strong reminder to us all of our responsibilities as parents – just like Jesus first loved us…we too must first love and continue to do so even when the reciprocation is infrequent or yet to be…

  4. As with so many things, seems she’s got her own style with the kissing too!

    (I think most of us keep refining our kissing skills over the years anyway… think back to high school…)

    Did I tell you Grayson went through a phase where she’d pounce and try to slip me the tongue? I love my girl. But pittooey.

    Is she loving up her Daddy this way too??

  5. Those are totally kisses!!!

    I remember when the Roc would lean into us and give us what we call “the pointy chin” on our shoulder when we would hug him. He still does that from time to time but when we tell him to “give a real hug” he will limply put his arms up on your shoulders. I love those “real hugs” even if they are prompted.

  6. Those are definitely kisses – I love the term “butterfly kiss” how perfect!

    My guys have come up w/ their own ways of showing affection too over the years, might be unusual but feels right to them :).

  7. Very tender and full of a mother’s heart. This morning, I sat with my 8 year old boy, singing hymns while knowing the pleasure of his arm around my waist. I was profoundly aware of his love and thankful for the moment. Our pew was a bit empty this morning, with two off to college. Perhaps this is one reason I noticed his love more and was more appreciative of the gift.

    Glad for Rhema’s show of affection toward you. God’s gifts to us come in all shapes, sizes, and avenues. I pray more butterflies to be your portion this week.

    peace~elaine

  8. Pingback: Evolution of a kiss « Autism In a Word

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