The past couple weeks have been a busy blur.
And this is a sloppy post.
I just felt like documenting some of the many ways people have blessed our lives since Brandon’s departure.
Not a day goes by that someone doesn’t call, e-mail or show up on my doorstep offering to help. The funny thing is I spent months trying to get respire care to no avail. Now I have so much assistance, people actually have to take turns helping. (God is awesome!)
I’m so not good at asking for help. I would rather suffer alone and play the martyr than to admit that I might need someone’s assistance. I’ve realized my own pride in this – receiving can be very humbling.
Lately, I’ve been getting a crash course in humility:
Friends set up the above display at church. There were sign up sheets for people to help in ways I had not even thought of. I was shocked when I saw it. I wanted to tear it down and take pictures of it at the same time!
People have walked with Rhema at the mall (and gone up and down the escalators ad nauseum), they have cared for her so that I could attend church, they have entertained Hope, they have kept me company.
A precious family has been accompanying us to the pool on Sunday afternoons. Going to the pool was a “Daddy thing.” And every time we go, the girls and I really miss him. But this family has a way of taking away the sting. I cannot put into words what it does to me to watch them love my girls. They actually thanked us for letting them be a part of our lives. I don’t know what to do with love and kindness like that.
And then, on one particularly rough day last week, a surprise package came in the mail, addressed to Rhema:
Bubble bath. Lots and lots of bubble bath – and even bubble wrap! (Remember this post?). A dear friend intended for me to laugh out loud when I opened that box. (Thank you, MB, mission accomplished and then some!).
All of this has made me think about God – the giver of all good gifts. What makes it so hard for us to receive Him? To just believe that He loves us and desires to bless us. Maybe it’s a pride thing. Things can be falling apart all around, but it’s ‘I’m o.k. I got this. I don’t need You.’
I’m realizing just how “needy” I am. Yes, I’ve got autism, allergies, asthma, seizures and MS in my family. Yes, I’ve got a husband deployed and a broken toilet and a vehicle that needs new tire rods (what the heck are those?).
But even if everything in my life was smooth as butter, I would still desperately need God more than I need air.
Recognizing that need has helped me to receive the the Best Help; to accept the ultimate gift of grace. (For by grace are you saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God. Eph. 2:8… Thanks be to God for his unspeakable gift! 2 Cor. 9:15).
At first glance it may seem like we’ve got it tough right now. But we are living in abundance. Blessing upon blessing has come our way.
There is a certain pride in man that will give and give, but to come and accept is another thing. I will give myself in consecration, I will do anything, but do not humiliate me to the level of the most hell-deserving sinner and tell me that all I have to do is to accept the gift of salvation through Jesus Christ.
We have to realize that we cannot earn or win anything from God; we must either receive it as a gift or do without it. The greatest blessing spiritually is the knowledge that we are destitute; until we get there Our Lord is powerless. He can do nothing for us if we think we are sufficient of ourselves; we have to enter into His Kingdom through the door of destitution. As long as we are rich, possessed of anything in the way of pride or independence, God cannot do anything for us. It is only when we get hungry spiritually that we receive…
—Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest