It is love that asks, that seeks, that knocks, that finds,
And that is faithful to what it finds
It’s common to hear some parents of children newly diagnosed with autism to say, “We had a bright-eyed, engaged little boy and then we lost him.”
There’s debate and controversy around the subject.
I don’t know exactly what happened. Or how it happened or why it happened.
But at one point we had this:
And then suddenly, one day, we had this:
For whatever reason she retreated into her own world, and every day since then we’ve been working to draw her back into ours. You could say we’ve been trying to “find” her behind the walls of autism. There have been moments when we’ve discovered parts of her we never knew (or forgot) existed. And each discovery is thrilling and addicting – we want more and more. She is pursued in earnest; this seeking to know more of her a daily aim.
I was “lost”, too. Gone was the self-confident, capable, make-it-happen version of myself. I had no ability to make my daughter speak or eat or even sleep. Angry. Bitter. Helpless. Unable to concentrate. My faith shaken. Going through the motions. For a year. Disappointed in a God who should know better than to do this to me. As we searched for Rhema, I wondered where I was… and where the heck God was.
Are you there, God? It’s me, Margaret. (Anybody remember that book? Am I dating myself?)
Where are You in all of this?
Turns out it’s a good question. Even Job said, “O that I knew where I might find Him!” (Job 23:3)
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD… Jer 29:11-14
I still have my questions, some of which I may never get answers to in this life. But what I know, what I’ve found so far, is this:
There is a God who loves you with an everlasting love. It’s a love that goes beyond the highest star and reaches to the lowest hell. This God takes you, lost, broken and flawed and finds you worth it. He delights in you greatly, rejoices over you with singing. He is called Faithful and True for he takes the guilt, shame and sorrow and overcomes it on the Cross, and pronounces you free.
In all your looking, He says, look for me with all your heart. I will be found by you.
A most important search.