Provision

(Sigh). Another broken flower pot. Seems like everything in this house is broken. I take my eyes off her for a second and something else falls apart. I’ve noticed that I am less patient, easily frustrated. I am short with her; her name a loud groan on my lips, “Rhema!”

It’s happening more and more. She seems to show… something I’ve never seen before… what is it? Remorse? A sadness over the fact that she’s done something wrong even if she doesn’t quite understand it. She drops her head, her bottom lip trembles, and tears come to her eyes. And every time I break a little piece of my heart.

I turn away… these are not my best moments.

All the while I am keenly aware of our little audience of one, who sees everything and hears everything and forgets nothing. My attitude, my tone, my words – have mercy – she takes her cues from me. 

What of my youngest, Lord? Will she be o.k.? She’s been given such a tender heart. An old soul, so perceptive and sensitive to the feelings of others, always quick to encourage.

Will you, God, in spite of me, foster these gifts in her as she lives life with her special sister? Will you keep her from becoming cynical, jaded and burnt out? Will she see her sister not as a bother or burden, but as valuable teacher and inspiration? Will you hold her during times of fear, frustration, embarassment or disappointment? Will you give her a deep bond with her sister – one that does not depend on spoken word or touch. Will you teach her to love without conditon and grow it in her, true and patient? Will you bless their relationship to last long after we are gone?

.

Soft words of comfort whispered, into my heart, into the room: “It will be o.k.”

I turn,

and, humbled, there I find,

hope like a promise.

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31 thoughts on “Provision

  1. Oh my goodness, Hope is getting so big!!! Where did the little poofy pom poms on the sides of her head go? Her hair is long! Her back in this picture looks long, too. It is also strong already. God knit your family together exactly as it is for good reasons.

  2. She will be better than o.k.! It will be (so much) better than o.k.!

    Renew that vision everyday, for without it we perish. Faith in what we cannot see….(although what i see here is LOVE love love, unconditional acceptance, redemption, forgiveness, mercy, childlike faith)

    You are so smart to have that camera at the ready so you remember this tenderness and share it!

  3. Such a poignant post. You know He knows what He’s doing and also how you feel.

    If it makes you feel any better whatsoever I have been talking online with several friends about just this subject. Many of them have older children with autistic siblings and every single one of them has shared that their non-autistic child was a stronger, more sensitive person because of their sibling. I think a lot of it has to do with the attitude we take as parents, and believe me, we are struggling over here as my ten-year-old comes to terms with his younger brother all of a sudden being at school with him and behaving in a way that is not typical.

    Thank you for sharing so honestly…

  4. What a lovely moment you captured. We had a difficult evening tonight, and after everyone calmed down and offered apologies, I came here and read this. Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone. Sending love, my friend.

  5. If there is one area in my life currently where I’m lacking finesse and confidence therein, it’s my parenting. I’m more familiar with my “bark” these days than my compassion and kindness. And I have moments… moments of wondering how I’ve damaged my children or if I’ve done enough or too much. It’s all a jumbled mess right now for me; I know I will emerge from this seemingly growing abyss, but somedays, it’s just plain hard parenting, and this is one of them for me.

    Precious Hope in the midst of the confusion. Thank you Jesus.

    peace~elaine

  6. Tears.
    What love! How can a child sooooo young love so compassionately after have toys broken, apologies unspoken, projects torn, hours at hospitals, the list goes on and on? Only Christ’s love in her. What a true gem.
    Do you think it would be too much to set Nylis and Hope’s wedding day now??? 😉

    Side note: If parenting doesn’t reveal our sinful and selfish we are, I don’t know what does. Praise Jesus for His grace towards us and our children.

  7. Recently I attended a Autism Awareness workshop and one of the speakers said, what if everyone had Autism and they we trying to understand how to teach us. This word continues to ring in my heart as a mother.

    The Lord says be as a child… and in a child’s mind they have not yet put such valule on things around us. They are more closer to the heart of God.
    Each time I read a story my very own eye’s are open to see the heart of God and seeing life through the eye’s of God. This is the gift Rhema has given to me and in return I give to my family “a word from God”. God has given to me wisdom using Rhema’s life.
    I thank God for her life and a mother to share and a father with faith.

    Every time I come to see how I can pray for your family I am blessed so richly…………
    I thank God for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Mother -to-Mother

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