Mama tries to get a job

After seven years of domestic engineering, Mama thinks it might be time to return to the work force part-time.

She trades her snot-slimed, over-sized T-shirt and Mom jeans for a blouse and a pair of slacks.

She plucks her eyebrows.

She fusses with her hair.

And finds some half-eaten lipstick.

She rides the train and tries to look pre-occupied and important for her interview in the big city.

In the pre-kid days, she was cool and confident and successful in her line of work.

Surely the old girl can get it back. Right?

If only she could get the repetitive phrases from the previous day out of her head:

Don’t drink the bathwater! Your sister peed.

No, you cannot ride the plunger as a pretend horse.

Stop licking the spaghetti sauce off the floor.

You forgot to wipe again??!!

Do not eat your _____________ (boogers, puzzle pieces, glycerin suppositories)!

How many times do I have to tell you? Stinky poo-poos go in the toilet!

Get down!!!

Clothes stay on when we’re outside.

Spoon! Use your spoon!

Tissue! Not the couch!

Time to go night night. Time to go night night. Time to go night night.

 .

She finally arrives at a fancy building in the financial district with a full bladder.

On the elevator, she smoothes her coat and her hair. Be professional. Be positive. Be poised.

She is shown to the conference room, and the director of human resources offers her a glass of water.

“No. Thank you. But I really have to go pot…” she stops mid-sentence.

“…ty.”

FAIL!

The woman from human resources smiles.

“The ladies room is right across the hall.”

.

Alas, you can dress her up, give her business cards and a paycheck. But she’s forever changed for the best by the joys and challenges of bringing up two little girls; her greatest investment in life…

And that fact will slip through, every now and then,

in the language of mommyhood.  

.

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20 thoughts on “Mama tries to get a job

  1. What can I say….”Girl, you know how to write!”. You should start a business writing people’s family Christmas letters. I’d give and arm & leg for help with mine right now.

    Your girls are the sweetest and I agree, they’ll only change you for the best.

  2. 🙂
    Even my husband is often heard saying, “I’ll be right with you, I have to go potty” or “where is the pott…um, bathroom?”

    I can so relate to much of your repetitive phrases list too…
    Especially,
    “Don’t drink the bathwater! Your sister peed.” Only here its…don’t drink the bathwater! You peed in it and you are FILTHY so the water is yucka” and then he drinks it anyway.

    Also,
    “Clothes stay on when we’re outside” but I had to add, “you must have clothes on when you stand in the bay window to watch the cars go by”

  3. thanks. this particular job has quite a selection process. if i make it to the next round i’ll have to go back for another interview. we’ll see. =}

  4. So funny! Woman of many hats…motherhood is definitely number one! Love the way you narrated this. Can’t wait to see what job God has for you!

  5. Pingback: Tidbits « Autism In a Word

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