After seven years of domestic engineering, Mama thinks it might be time to return to the work force part-time.
She trades her snot-slimed, over-sized T-shirt and Mom jeans for a blouse and a pair of slacks.
She plucks her eyebrows.
She fusses with her hair.
And finds some half-eaten lipstick.
She rides the train and tries to look pre-occupied and important for her interview in the big city.
In the pre-kid days, she was cool and confident and successful in her line of work.
Surely the old girl can get it back. Right?
If only she could get the repetitive phrases from the previous day out of her head:
Don’t drink the bathwater! Your sister peed.
No, you cannot ride the plunger as a pretend horse.
Stop licking the spaghetti sauce off the floor.
You forgot to wipe again??!!
Do not eat your _____________ (boogers, puzzle pieces, glycerin suppositories)!
How many times do I have to tell you? Stinky poo-poos go in the toilet!
Clothes stay on when we’re outside.
Spoon! Use your spoon!
Tissue! Not the couch!
Time to go night night. Time to go night night. Time to go night night.
She finally arrives at a fancy building in the financial district with a full bladder.
On the elevator, she smoothes her coat and her hair. Be professional. Be positive. Be poised.
She is shown to the conference room, and the director of human resources offers her a glass of water.
“No. Thank you. But I really have to go pot…” she stops mid-sentence.
The woman from human resources smiles.
“The ladies room is right across the hall.”
Alas, you can dress her up, give her business cards and a paycheck. But she’s forever changed for the best by the joys and challenges of bringing up two little girls; her greatest investment in life…
And that fact will slip through, every now and then,
in the language of mommyhood.