The pinks boots are out to get me.
I’m sure of it.
At my job we are required to dress business professional when clients are visiting our offices.
So I donned a black and teal-blue leopard print dress. I put a black jacket over it and declared myself ready to take on the day. Yes, the different colors and patterns in the dress are a departure from the norm – I’m all about the solids and neutrals. But hey, here’s to living on the edge.
The sky looked dreary and gray and good old weather.com predicted showers all day.
So I put the silly boots on.
They’ve gotten a lot of support from friends and strangers alike. And even though I feel like a total clown, and even though I break my back trying to get them off, they’ve kind of grown on me a little. I admit they are quite handy when trudging through the city in the pouring rain.
Somewhere in the midst of packing lunches, finding missing socks and jackets, throwing children in the car and dropping them at respective schools, I managed to miss the first two trains. I caught the third one with a sigh, knowing I’d be late to work.
As the train lurched toward Boston I dug around in my bag for my black heels. My heart stopped when I realized I’d forgotten to pack the shoes. Panic. I broke out into a nervous sweat. I imagined the introductions, me shaking hands with a straight face, me in my big pink and white polka dot rain boots! Nooooo! Fashion emergency!!! I considered trying to buy new shoes when I got off the train but I was already late – the client would already be there. So then I considered jumping onto the tracks. But then I imagined the visitors at my wake looking at me with my big pink feet sticking up.
To make matters worse the sun that had been hiding for days suddenly popped out like, Wazzup y’all! Not a chance for a raindrop, the blue skies made my appearance, my whole raison d’etre, utterly unnecessary.
An old lady on the subway, in flip flops, informed me that I was going to get really hot and that my feet would not be able to breathe. And I started to get nauseous from the faint smell of polka dot rubber.
At work, I pretended the long walk to my desk was a runway. I was alternately cheered on or teased mercilessly.
Oh, was I glad when the day was over.
I’m officially scared of these things.
Lord have mercy.