I can

Oh Lord, I just had to escape for a bit. And I know I run the risk of the house going up in flames. But really it’s only a matter of minutes before of one of them finds me in here. I’ve been peeing with an audience since 2004.

It’s been one of those days when the simplest things are anything but. When everyone needs something from me and I have nothing left to give. When one more blood curdling scream or one more pair of poopy underwear or one more request for juice, a snack, and a new doll just might be enough to make me lose my… stuffing.

You know, Hope made a little “All About Me” book at school. Her cute little picture is on the front. With her teacher’s help she filled in information like her name, age, where she lives, etc. But there’s one line that just totally melted my heart. It says “I can….” (and you fill in the blank). Hope didn’t say “I can run really fast.” or “I can count to 100.” or “I can tell the funniest knock knock jokes.” She can do all those things very well. But instead she said, “I can be a good sister to Rhema.” That’s what she wanted people to know about her. And she is. The best sister. She takes pride in it. She works at it every day. She blows me away.

God, I want to know that I can. Be a good mother to my daughters. A good wife to my husband.

But here’s the truth. I can’t do this. Not in my own strength. You know how I fail. I need your strength every minute, every hour. I need your grace just to get up and walk out of here and face these children and face that man.

On the days when I don’t even know what good looks like, show me how. On the days when I know the good, but falter still, give me the courage and conviction to be. Like Paul, I want to boast about my weaknesses so that your power will rest on me. So that You make up for my lack. So that I can say, when I am weak, then I am strong.

Thank you for hearing these potty petitions.

Ugh! What was that loud crashing noise??? 

(Deep breath).

Lord, I’m going back in. Cover me.



“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Phil. 4:13

17 thoughts on “I can

  1. I’m convinced that some of the world’s most powerful prayers are whispered in five second increments during bathroom break escapes by tired mama’s that keep trudging on…

  2. My Mom would tell me stories of hiding in the bathroom from my brothers and I when we were young just to get a few minutes of peace…now that I have my own children (one with ASD) I completely understand the need to step away. A few minutes to regroup and gather strength to be the Mom I need to be. I’m not sure if I claim the bathroom as my quiet place but it works. Thanks for sharing your experiences!

  3. God Bless you and your children! What beautiful names. Your strong faith will get you through! You are a remarkable family. The videos of little Rhema are precious and touching. I can tell that litle Hope loves her sister very much! I had tears in my eyes, when I saw the “all about me” book that little Hope did.
    The part about being a good sister to Rhema was very sweet.

    Dont stop believing in the power of Jesus Christ. “Miracles happen to those who believe in them” and I know you and your husband do.

    Please try and remember to take some time out for yourself (if you can) even a half hour to just regroup. God Bless you. This is a wonderful post!!

  4. Praying that when you feel “you can’t” anymore, that He will (He can, He does, and He always will) carry you through the next breath, minute, hour. I felt that way this weekend. Thank you for the reminder that I am not alone, and that He can and does allow me to do all things.

  5. I am constantly in awe of your faith and tenacity. You are raising two amazing little girls. You can continue to do this, even through the hard days. We are always here when you need to vent…yay for potty petitions 🙂

  6. Pingback: Three cheers « Autism In a Word

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