Sustained

The subway across town is so slow, it makes me late for our meeting with the neurologist. The doctor is ready, but you will not start without me. It touches me that you appreciate my opinions, respect my knowledge on all things Rhema and Landau Kleffner syndrome and anti-epileptic meds.

We go through that meeting confident in our discussions with the doctor. We’ve got a plan. We’re good together, a team. For each other, and this is how it should be. We can do this.

Suddenly, in the car, a fight over where to stop for gas. A fight because we’re ten minutes behind schedule. Seriously? We’ve stared down the autism-epilepsy behemoth; endured multiple deployments and separation of the heart, body and soul, and by God’s grace, survived.

Yet somehow the small thing turning into the big thing would destroy us piece by piece. And it’s appalling how fast, how completely it can all fall apart. Bitter, hurtful words flying out of my mouth like dagger and flame to the soul. My gosh, my love, what are we doing, undoing us? Lord, have mercy.

You’re the first to stand from the ashes. You reach out a hand to help me up. Still I want to wield my rubber sword, and you bring me flowers. The Lord has mercy.

 “It is not your love that sustains the marriage,
but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love.”

~Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Remember the day we met?

In a workshop called “Giving Your Life Away.” I had visions of a life of service, going back to Ethiopia, caring for impoverished children.

I could not have known that marriage would be the only way to learn how to give my life away.

A wise man once said that a good marriage involves a thousand little deaths to self… for the other. By God’s grace, that same marriage involves at least as many resurrections. It’s the glory of the Gospel. Every day, in so many ways, you lay your life down for me.

Just think, B. On a day over fifteen years ago, in a galaxy, on a planet, in a time zone, in a country, in a state, in a city, on a Saturday, at a conference, in a workshop, God sat me in a chair next to the most generous blue eyes. You. And all because of that, the world has Thing 1 and Thing 2 (Rhema and Hope).

It’s frightening to think I could have missed you, missed sharing this hard, good journey with you. Thank God, thank God, thank God for you. You, “my east, my west, my Sunday rest.”

Happy Anniversary weekend, doodlesnort.

I love resurrecting with you.

 

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23 thoughts on “Sustained

  1. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY YOU TWO!!! God as weaved together such a beautiful tapistry in your family! You are a blessing to have as friends!
    And B. ? Doodlesnort? We need to talk.
    Love your brother in Christ
    Lance
    ;0)

  2. Happy anniversary! This post is so timely and rich. And yes, it is the little things which can undo a couple…the things which add up over time and cloud the vision so you can’t see the binding love. I am so glad yours is strong, my friend. Celebrate the heck out of it this weekend!!

  3. Happy Anniversary to both of you. May God continue to bless your union and your unity, which keeps your family covered by His grace. This post really blessed me. Thank you.

  4. Happy, Blessed Anniversary to two of the most inspiring married people I have ever known. We walk a similar journey. We rise above hand-in-hand after stepping out of the fire, but will easily tear each other down over a layer of dust on the mantle.

    Marriage is an amazing journey.

    So blessed to know you. A very happy celebration to you.
    SGM and I love you all so much!

  5. Well, happy happy anniversary to my favorite blog mama. He’s got a great lady. (And I assume, since you’re so cool, that he must be pretty fantastic, as well.)

  6. Ohhhh I know how this is. It’s the little things isn’t it, that cause a spark of tension that unravels and unravels things and then you don’t know how you got to this horrible place of division.

    Bah.
    Marriage is one of the most challenging experiences of one’s life, eh? No wonder so many people can’t hack it!
    Happy Anniversary!

  7. xo
    thanks for being a great example to all of us…
    for all you’ve been through, God still reigns
    here’s to many many many many many many many many many many many many many many…………many many many many……………many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many ………..many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many ……….many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many ……….many many many many many many many many many many many many many many ………….more.

  8. Thank you so much for sharing this. My husband and I are so similar! We do great in the big things, but lose it over stupid stuff like changing a light bulb. More and more, every day we are growing in gratefulness of the sovereignty of God and the extension of his grace and mercy… Oh, to always be able to extend that grace and mercy to each other! Thanks again for your beautiful honesty. We needed this!

  9. Amen! You two are just crazy……………………….. in love!

    God bless you more! And bless them Things!
    Thanks for excercising your love for each other and God daily.

    bro Joel

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