Leave to thy God…

I’ve not had many words for this space lately. I think it’s just a hectic, transitional time.

We’re down to our last week (5 days to be exact) with B before he deploys for a year. Last week I had visions of getting away for a little family vacation, but things did not go as planned. Random items started breaking in our house. Our furnace decided to run HEAT during the heat wave and our central air decided to stop working altogether. Our refrigerator also went on the fritz. We got the furnace fixed and then waited all week/weekend for a part for the air conditioning that never came. My sweet Rhema also had some major unexpected issues which pretty much made us housebound… in our oven of a house.

I’m not a big crier and I shed tears two days in a row.

On Friday we broke down and bought an AC window unit and installed it in our bedroom. We blew up the air mattress and told the girls we were camping out in the bedroom for the weekend. Hope was beyond thrilled and Rhema seemed happy, too. Nah, we didn’t get much sleep, but I think we’ll all always remember it as precious time.

Thank you, Lord. Teach us to trust you.

This week, this just-before-deployment time is always hard; reality sets in as we see him packing and making final arrangements, saying farewell to friends. Still, I never quite believe it’s happening until the moment he actually walks out that door. My heart hurts for him having to leave his family for so long. My heart hurts for Hope conspiring to duct tape the doors, so sure it will make him stay. My heart hurts for Rhema wondering why, where has he gone and will he return?

And just when I had finally trained the man to do the food shopping. I could actually send him to the grocery store and he would actually buy the right things (way too much of it, but at least it was right)!!!

One night B did the math of how much he’s been gone, and in the past 5 years alone he’s been away for more than half that time.


I know there are many single parents who work and raise their children and every day they do their best to make it happen. I know I’ve done it before – 2 yearlong deployments under my belt already and a bunch of summers just me and the kids.

But I honestly don’t know how to do this again. I really don’t.

It occurred to me that that’s a good thing. No faux strength. I need Him, greatly need Him.


We sang this hymn in church last Sunday, and it was perfect:

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

16 thoughts on “Leave to thy God…

  1. My heart goes out to you in this time. I can’t put myself in your shoes as I have never been there but I can pray for all of you in this time. Having friends in the military and many many of my regular customers I am accostomed to the leaves/moves they experience. Know that you will be lifted up in prayer to the One who knows your heart! Virtual hugs in this time and even more prayers that nothing more breaks in your house anytime soon! (Our AC went out 2 weeks ago – $250 later it was magically “fixed”) I know how it is 😁

  2. We will keep you each covered this whole (last?!) year while Brandon is deployed. You are a strong woman, my friend. And when the days come when your own limits are tested, you know how to draw on strength that has no limits. Love to you all. Give Brandon a hug for me.

  3. Praying so many prayers for your sweet family. My heart aches for you at this time but reading this made me think of 2 Corinthians 12:9:

    But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

    And it also reminded me of one of my new favorite verses:

    As soon as I pray, you answer me; you encourage me by giving me strength. Psalm 138:3 NLT

    I will be praying that God gives you everything you need exactly when you need it this year. I will also be praying that you are able to take it one day at a time, trusting that He will help you every single step of the way. Look back at the way He has provided for you in the past and you will be reassured that His grace and His mercy will be sufficient for you in this deployment as well.


  4. Prayers and hugs…prayers and hugs….crying with you as Brandon walks your the door…and look out with Hope and that duct tape because I am convinced that you can make duct tape do about anything.

  5. My heart is hurting for all of you. I don’t even know what to say. Everything I think of sounds so insufficient. I’ll just add my prayers and my best wishes and my love to the pile of others that I know you will receive. xoxo

  6. I don’t have words to convey what my heart wants to say to you. I’m praying for you, sweet friend, and for Brandon, Hope, and Rhema. Prayers for strength and hope, and peace that passes all understanding. xoxo

  7. We are never quite sure about the trials of this life but remember God has his perfect plan for our lives and there is a reason for all of our seasons. Hang in there we are all praying for you.

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