This is me

“He has compassion on me because He knows how I am made.” ~Greg Lucas

.

I am home after a day at work.

“Hi Rhema!!!!”

She is sitting in a chair, agitated, rocking, humming.

I crouch down, longing for her to see my delight in her. Hoping for a look, a sound, a smile, any positive response at all.

There’s a clump of her hair on the floor, a rip in her sleeve, bite marks on her arm.

She seems a million miles away. Only when I reach out to touch her, she growls angrily and pushes me away.

I wince, feeling the pain of the distance and silence between us, the rejection.

I will try again.

This is my daughter… and this is me.

 

This is God my Father. He gently, faithfully provides for my needs. He holds my hand wherever I go. Chases me when I bolt. Scoops me up when I flop. Kisses my hurts. Washes me, dresses me, feeds me good things. He understands my heart in the silence. He keeps on speaking, every day He tells the mercy story. He fights for me and cheers for me. When I refuse Him, when I have cycles of non-compliance and aggression – kicking, biting, grabbing, self-injuring in my rebellion and disobedience, He stoops down to love me. He is my safe room, again I am surrounded in unbreakable grace.

near

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11 thoughts on “This is me

  1. I love you. And I LOVE that you ended the post with the picture of Rhema kissing/hugging you. This is how it will be in the end, for you and Rhema and for us with God. Beautiful. Keep looking for the meaning behind it all.

  2. I am truly amazed at the peace, love, joy, and grace that I read in everyday adventure of Rhema, Hope, Brandon and yourself.

  3. Oh to understand the Father’s love in such a realistic way. You’ve got it Neily. So beautifully put. So glad you are able to allow the Father to remind you of who He is and of His power and sovereignty even in the midst of your pain and silence. Truly only He knows. Will pray for extra grace and strength for you and His ministering angels for Rhema. Love you much…

  4. I just referred a mother of an autistic child to your blog and came upon this latest entry. As always your writing is profound and moving.

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