My friend Allison was telling me a story of a particularly challenging time in her family’s ministry in India. There were (and continue to be) moments of discouragement and uncertainty, periods of separation from her husband, and times when even their lives were in danger. She said it was a season of asking, Is God really worth it?
There are days, with the husband far away for so long, when the demands of home, work, life, motherhood, and wifehood seem like more than I can handle.
(For the record, I don’t buy the oft-quoted sentiment, ‘God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.’ The phrase is not anywhere in the Bible and it’s pretty funny to me because life, particularly life as a special needs mama, is way more than I can handle. That’s ok. If I could handle it I wouldn’t need God, and oh how I need Him! I’m grateful to experience His strength in my weakness.)
Surprised when evening comes and the house is still standing, the kitchen is half-cleaned, the children are alive and for the most part unscathed, I hum a little Norah Jones, The long day is oooo-ver. Then I look up and see the ceiling is bubbling from a leak upstairs. Or something like that.
Because at times it’s all so much, the notion sneaks in my head that I can be careless about the little-big things, my words, my thoughts and actions, the places in which I struggle. That I am somehow excused. That I deserve to do the easy thing. Drop the shield of faith. Give the heart guard a night off.
Is God worth it?
(My ceiling really is bubbling right now).
God, I’m frustrated by myself, by poop in the tub, 1st grade homework, precious babies with cancer, and senseless, evil acts in the world. Too often I just don’t understand. But I trust you to be all that you claim to be and have proven to be in my life. Just to think of you, your goodness, your faithfulness to me…I’m grateful to experience Your strength in my weakness. Help me today to say yes, you are worth it all!
Jesus, I am resting, resting
In the joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness of Thy loving heart.
Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee,
And Thy beauty fills my soul,
For, by Thy transforming power,
Thou hast made me whole.
Oh, how great Thy loving kindness,
Vaster, broader than the sea:
Oh, how marvelous Thy goodness,
Lavished all on me!
Yes, I rest in Thee, Beloved,
Know what wealth of grace is Thine,
Know Thy certainty of promise,
And have made it mine.
Simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus,
I behold Thee as Thou art,
And Thy love, so pure, so changeless,
Satisfies my heart,
Satisfies its deepest longings,
Meets, supplies its every need,
Compasseth me round with blessings,
Thine is love indeed.
Ever lift Thy face upon me,
As I work and wait for Thee;
Resting ‘neath Thy smile, Lord Jesus,
Earth’s dark shadows flee.
Brightness of my Father’s glory,
Sunshine of my Father’s face,
Keep me ever trusting, resting,
Fill me with Thy grace.
~Jean Sophia Pigott, 1876