Untitled

“I know the Lord is always with me.
I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me.”
Psalm 16:8

My precious girl has taken to pulling out large clumps of her hair and eating portions of it. The behavior is even more pronounced than a year ago when we had to cut her hair very short. I think it would be more bearable if it was a mindless habit, but it is done in the midst of gut-wrenching, screaming, wailing, convulsing fits. Fits in which I feel powerless to help or stop her. In the end all I can do is weep with her, and pray, from a distance. As I’ve sat with my daughter longing for her to know that I am with her in the lowest moments, always loving her, I have begun to sense God sitting with me in my own brokenness longing for me to know who He is, really know that He is for me.

Last week she went back on seizure meds, and while I’m hopeful they will help, it feels like three steps back.

I said out loud, I am crushed, God. Crushed.

He etched on my heart: “I am near to the broken hearted and save the crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)

Truth.

Every time I see the bald spots on her head, my heart breaks all over again. And every smile, every happy sound she makes we fill up on hope and cherish all the more. I will trust that God is for her – eternally, constantly, exceedingly – for her.

Thank you always for your prayers.

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18 thoughts on “Untitled

  1. Dear Jeneil. I am so familiar with that feeling of the Lord’s presence when it feels like your spirit could not be more shattered and bruised than it already is. You have my prayers right now.

  2. Be still and know that I am God!! (Psalms 46:10) Prayers for you and your family!! Thanks for sharing the stuff that’s hard to hear. God is using you in a powerful and profound way. I pray you find some answers soon!

  3. My heart breaks with you. A year ago we also had to shave one side of Sophie’s head because she was pulling out her hair (hers was a mindless habit or a sensory need). I remember crying over her baldspots too. You and Rhema are in my thoughts, I hope you both are able to find relief soon.

  4. He is for you. He is for Rhema. He is for Hope. He is for Brandon. May you feel the strength of the power of prayer. Love you.

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