In the evenings Rhema often puts on her boots and coat and brings me the car keys. Sometimes we go to the store or McDonalds, but mostly we just drive, with the music of a lullaby CD softly playing. She stares out the window and I get to tell her many things.
When you were a baby I was baffled by the fact that you did not sleep. I thought that babies slept, and you simply did not. You were colicky and seemed uncomfortable in your own skin. And just as you would finally start to fall asleep, spasms would shake your body. Even when swaddled, you would shake.
I was a clueless, new mommy. I read books for advice. I tried home remedies and supplements. Nothing seemed to work, and you would scream all night long. The on-call nurse always brushed it off as colic and suggested I try the things I had already tried. Daddy was in Iraq then –at the height of the war – and we lived in Germany. There were so many long, sleepless nights, that I really thought I might go crazy! I felt very alone.
There was a TV program that came on from 1 a.m. to 5 a.m. It was simply Bible verses set to instrumental music and nature scenes. Sometimes the crying (yours and mine) drowned out the music, but I would read and whisper the verses. One night these words came on the TV and went into my heart:
For He has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear… ~Heb. 13:5,6
Sweet girl, you and I are such a team. I can’t always physically be with you. And sometimes I fret about you not getting everything you need if I’m not there to translate, to be your hands, to make it so. That’s just a Mommy thing.
Listen close, my dear. You’ve heard this before but let it be my unending ode to you and to Hope. And so much more than me, know it’s our Jesus singing to you over and over, every moment, all of your days.
never doubt this
hold it tightly to your heart
I’m forever always with you
I will be right where you are
I will never leave you
nor forsake you
Know that I am with you
you will never be alone.”*