Mothering Rhema causes me to hold tightly to small moments. Things that may seem inconsequential at first blush I treasure and think on long after the moment has passed. There’s this thing she does when she’s gone on ahead of me… or Brandon is taking her to school or she’s being called out of a room. She stops and looks back for me. And since words are not at her disposal, she comes and takes my hand.
There was a time I wanted her to demonstrate that she set me apart as her momma. I know she did, but she did not show it in a way that I understood. No calling my name. No trouble separating from me. No greeting when I picked her up after a day at school, no change of expression on her face. No running to me when she skinned her knee.
It’s been ten years in the making, but now she looks back for me.
That’s what my heart hears.
I am thrilled that she wants me to go and a little scared, too, in the way that special needs moms get scared. Because it’s me she needs. She needs me! I want her to know she always has me. That my hand will be there when she reaches.
I caught a snippet of Beyonce singing “Take My Hand, Precious Lord” at the Grammys the other night. I grew up listening to my mother sing that song with visions in my head of a weary Rosa Parks getting on that bus. And old Mother Whatley used to sing it in church with more heart than Beyonce ever could, in my humble opinion.
But it reminded me of the need for the abiding presence of God in our every moment. I confess I am helpless without Him. I need His hand to hold me, His voice to guide me, His grace to heal me. Even still I am “prone to wander, prone to leave the God I love…” without so much as a look back. But He never fails. He waits for us to return, to set Him apart as Father truly. To say, I will go, but only if you go with me.
So teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I’ll fall on You
Jesus, You’re my hope and stay
Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
~”Lord, I Need You” Matt Maher