These days…

it’s just me and my girls

just my girls and me

the older hums softly to herself all day

the younger never stops talking, directing, asking, exclaiming


at the end of another day

of coming and going in and out of carseats

of brushing teeth and hair, packing bags, kissing hurts, putting shoes on right feet, praying in car, sticking straws in juice boxes, wiping bottoms and faces, little-hand-holding, leading, learning, laughing, cleaning, fighting, singing, hoping, imagining, running, stooping


i feel quiet the weight, the loneliness of mothering


two pairs of big brown eyes look up at me, expecting something to eat…


and i’m amazed that God even trusted me

with them

amazed that He faithfully provides strength when mine is gone, true wisdom when I’m clueless, and too much love

i’m amazed that they stayed alive one more day

that they grow and love in their own ways, apart from me, in spite of me

in them, a reason for life, my sure-fire source of joy, expectation and adventure


thank you, God, for these sweet days


Mommy Mode


I recently reconnected with a dear friend from college (…my grudging thanks to Facebook). We were so goofy in school.

She came into town this weekend and spent a whole day with us.

My friend is beautiful, smart, single, extremely accomplished, currently working for a top law firm in Seattle.

When I picked her up from the airport, I asked her if she “wanted to go potty.” (She later told me that I asked her several times that day if she wanted to go potty).

At home, I gave her a Dora popsicle.

And I made her take a nap.

When we went out to eat, I, lost in conversation, unwrapped her straw and put it in her drink for her — just like I would do for any one of my kids.


Oh dear.


She, being such a good friend, laughed it off and said it felt nice to be “babied.”

When I told my sister about it, her response was: ‘You. have. serious. problems.’

Oh dear. (And I say ‘Oh dear’ now.)

I think somehow… somewhere along the way… I actually grew up and became a … mother.