Craving Something Sweet

My husband, without consulting with me first, imposed “No Sweets Month” on us for August. He just decided all on his own that we are going to cold turkey stop consuming refined sugars for 31 days. When he informed me of this, I laughed in his face.

When he shot me a look, I sobered up and agreed to his terms even while my mind was plotting. On Monday, when he’s at work I’ll sneak to Dunkin Donuts and get one of those vanilla kreme donuts!

I have not had a vanilla kreme donut for, like, 15 years at least. I used to love them as a kid. Somewhere along the way my metabolism slowed down, and I got older, wiser, and calorie conscious. But since I spent three long years in Germany away from a Dunkin Donuts on every corner, I now feel that I am entitled to indulge, indulge, indulge. German pastries are so not sweet, and I still feel jipped (even though I’ve been back in New England for two years already!)

Since it’s all of a sudden “No Sweets Month”, the vanilla kreme donut became my forbidden fruit. All weekend long I fantasized about the donut covered in powdered sugar and filled with thick, white crème that’s so sugary that it makes your teeth hurt. How could you ever settle for a plain donut with a hole in it after having a plump donut so engorged with sugar and kreme that it was spilling out the side?

Hope and I set out early this morning. I imagined myself wiping all the extra powdered sugar off my face after I’d consumed my donut with one of the wipes from the diaper bag. “Sorry, Hope,” I said as we pulled up to the drive-thru. “I’m about to eat something that would probably kill you, but boy, is it gonna be good.” (Hope has severe food allergies – nuts, eggs, wheat, dairy, soy – but that’s another blog post.)

“Hi. I’d like one vanilla kreme filled donut… no… make that two.”
“We don’t have any.”
“Oh, no.”
“Would you like vanilla frosted?”
“No.” Pout.

Undaunted we drove to the next Dunkin Donuts. We went through drive-thrus. We went to walk-ins. At the fourth store, it occurred to me that maybe the donut had been discontinued. Maybe while I was suffering in Germany with wanna-be pastries, they had removed my beloved donuts from the shelves. I wish someone would have just told me that instead of saying “We don’t have any.”

I wanted to come home in complete violation of No Sweets Month. But alas, my cravings went unsatisfied. I even called Dunkin Donuts corporate headquarters and asked, “How could you?”

A woman on the phone told me that it was up to individual franchise owners to decide whether or not to carry the donut. (Well, that’s a no-brainer).

I was resolute. Ready to make a day of it, drive to the other side of the state for my donut.

“Do you know which franchises carry the vanilla kreme filled?”

“No, sorry.”

Sigh. My quest for 320 calories of sugar and saturated fat was suspended. (But if anyone knows of a Dunkin Donuts franchise that sells my donuts, lemme know!)

Sometimes I have this annoying habit of reviewing past “jips” in life when I am denied something, something even as small as a donut desire. And I make it out to be so much bigger than it really is. Like when the high school lunch lady had it out for me and always gave me really small portions. (Seriously!) Like when I don’t get what I paid for. Like when I don’t get what I bargained for. Like when my twin got MS. Like when my daughter got autism and seizures. Like when my baby got just about every food allergy known to man.

Just craving something sweet, God. Still feeling jipped.

Then, in the span of five minutes, Hope reached for me and squealed, “Hi Mommmmmy!!!” and left wonderful Hope-baby kisses all over my check. Then, when I opened the door to Rhema’s school bus, she gave me the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. Thank you, God.

I. am. so. blessed.

So satisfied.

“Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee… My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods…” Psalms 63:3,5